ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
