Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
