I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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