apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize