Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize