How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
