Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
