Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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