he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
