I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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