if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
