Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
