I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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