btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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