trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
