Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
