Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize