no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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