how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
