woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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