Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize