It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize