i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
