I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
