i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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