He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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