Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
