If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
