I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
