My first STD was from a foam party
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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