I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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