I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
