I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
