Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
