I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
