Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
