dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
