my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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