I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
