i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
