Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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