I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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