Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
