What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
