My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
