Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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