i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
