sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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