i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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