can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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