i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think my moral compass just broke
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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