idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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