i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well you can't waste a boner
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
