Umm I'm too high to move.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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