you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
