No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
