Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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