I need help removing her.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
