Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
