Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
