i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
NoShamevember. You game?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
