I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
