you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
