capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
