I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
