She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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