I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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