What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
