R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
