there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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