He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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