College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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